Destination Deuteronomy

Last quarter I got burnt out with the New Testament (the NT). I blame this primarily upon the dreaded Michael Williams (professor of my class on the NT) who sucked every ounce of joy out of learning about the Bible from my life. I took the class because I wanted to get better background upon the Bible before spending a year working for a church. But it was a bad idea, studying the Bible isn't something that I can do marathon style, I need to take it slow... so doing the whole NT in a quarter ruined that section of the Bible for me for a while.

Luckily the backlash of Michael Williams did not illogically overflow into my feelings about the Old Testament (the OT). I have always felt that I needed to get better acquainted with the OT. As a young child they tell you all of the best OT stories and they are cool and exciting and you come out knowing the gist of them... but you have no idea where they are located in the Bible or in the history of the Jewish people pre-NT. The NT has the advantage of having the background first, then the letters/advice and then the prophecies... this organization is clear because the central stories are told in the gospels/acts. The OT is not so clear. Sure it starts at the beginning, but there is so much more of it that it is hard to keep in order. I like having the overview and later plugging the details as they come.

Plus, I am ashamed to say it, but I have not read every part of the Bible. It has been a goal for a long time, but in the case of the Bible I am not a cover to cover kind of girl... which is hard, because every other book I am a cover to cover kind of girl.

Luckily, God sent me a to a book that is miraculously apt for my situation. I am reading East of Eden and they have a passage where they name these twins out of the bible. The names that are chose are Caleb and Aaron. Each of them are significant in the Exodus story. I knew what Aaron was famous for (because of my brother). But I had no clue what was up with Caleb other than it had something to do with the end of the first 40 years in the desert. So I decided to start at the end of the first 40 years which just so happens to be in Deuteronomy... and this book is a gift to me in the time and place that I am at right now.

It is perfect for me because it is about a people in exile in a place that is not their home, who left dependent on the promise of God. I am not going to be dramatic and say that I am in exile, because I am not. But I am not in my home anymore and I feel that I left home because of quiet promises that God made to me. God promised me that though it would be with me. That may seem clique, but how often are you truly in a place where each day you have to ask for God's help. When I said goodbye to my parents back in July, God promised me that he would have a family waiting for me here in San Antonio. And even though I sometimes desperately miss my family and friends, I depend on that promise to sustain me while I pursue friendships here. And I think that God is also fulfilling my blind request to learn what it means to depend on him, because in the absence of so much of what I have used to prop me up in the past. I find that my voids are not unbearable because he is fulfilling them. I have also been blessed to recognize God's work more. I see how God worked through Camille to tell me exactly what I needed to hear last week. I see God in Deuteronomy and the miracle of finding one story of what God did in the world to help me wade through what God is doing to my world. I see God in the small group I elbowed my way into last week where I have finally found a group of women to share my frustrations with.

Allison knows that I am a complainer, but right now I just don't have much bad to say. Now I understand why He is called Emanuel (God with us), and I wouldn't trade this for all the comforts and joys of home.

I miss you and I love you.