Feeling Sent

I tend to overthink things to the extent of it being a failing. It is good to think about things, but I do it so much that I ruin it. Recently, I have been doing that with Texas. Yet, tonight I was writing an email to my old core group leader and I realized that I have the best reason possible to not be afraid or scared or apprehensive about moving to Texas. The reason is that I feel sent by God.

Me and God have been on speaking terms for as long as I can remember, but I don't think that previously in my life God has ever sent me to a place. I don't think I asked God about what college I should go to and with Deputation I feel like God prepared me to accept the location I was assigned not that he necessarily told me Croatia was the place for me. But with Texas it is as though God picked out a specific place and a specific job just for me.

In the years after college, before law school I was incredibly open to what I might be doing. I thought about not only other locations to be a ministry intern but also other jobs altogether. I thought about doing Teach for America, I thought about working for a law firm, I thought about finding my way to California so that the next step in the law school path would be clear and prepared for. But step by step God has pointed to one location and one thing for the coming year of my life.

By the end of first quarter I was sure I wanted to do a ministry internship out of state. When choosing I applied to three places in California and one in Texas. My applications reflected my feelings about where I thought I should go. I only applied to the Texas job because I had met my future boss at a missions conference last year and knew that working with him would be incredibly fun but I held it as a back up location because of my law school plans. In spite of the logic of going to California, I immediately got the feeling that God wanted to send me to Texas. Knowing myself I made a simple prayer to God saying God if you want me to go to Texas you had better close every other door.

I proceeded to watch while every other internship didn't work out. By the end of my application process it was down to Menlo Park or San Antonio. I was waiting to hear back from Menlo Park and even though in my list of choices Menlo was above San Antonio I started to have the feeling that I Texas was the place for me. In that short period where I thought I was going to get the Menlo job, I started to wonder if I would have the strength and obedience to take the Texas job if I got the job in California (because God was being clear about where he wanted me to go). In honesty, I don't think that I would have had the strength to turn Menlo down even though God was being clear. So it is an amazing blessing that God listened and closed all the other doors. I didn't get any of the California internships and have never felt so relieved about not being offered a job.

From that point forward I have felt that God has held my hand in all things related to preparing to leave. He got me a perfect summer job (temping at a law firm). He used my amazing family to help get me a car and get me there on time and within my budget. Everything that will prepare me to leave Seattle and arrive in San Antonio God has made easy. Everything that I am tempted to cling to here that will keep me from truly investing there God has pushed aside or closed.

I have never before been so sure that God intended for me to do something before I do it. That is support, that is a rich well of confidence. And even though I have no clue what I got myself into, I have never felt so sure that choosing to leave is the right choice.