It still sucks but I am dealing with it. I have been getting a flood of support from everyone at home which is a huge comfort right now, especially because I am not allowed to tell anyone here.
Some of the panic has left my life, and I thought it was important for you all to know that. I wrote that post within the day that I found out the news, I am the type of person that likes to express how I am feeling in hard moments. That blog happened only after I had the chance to speak to one person about how I felt, and I was still in panic mode.
If I am honest, I think that my panic mode had also turned into anger. I was mad at Jason, mad for not being told earlier, mad that he would talk about how he loved working here so often when the whole time he was working on leaving, mad that he would leave to a nice new job and I would be left to pick up the pieces in the wake. But I realized that this was unfair of me. Jason is truly feels awful not telling everyone, he feels like crap everytime he has to tell more people, and he feels like crap about the timing and everything too. And I wasn't helping, I didn't really see him on Monday and on Tuesday I could barely look at him I was still so upset about it. That is how I get, upset and silent.
But today Jason had to tell the student interns at the Fire that he was leaving. There was a lot of tears and silently upset students. I felt awful for Jason, he has to say the hard goodbyes a month before he actually leaves. This situation is especially hard because he is moving from good to good. He isn't running from a church that treated him badly or a ministry that is failing, but he feels like he needs to go somewhere that he is needed more. And deep down I agree, that church needs him, I have been there. But deep down in my selfish heart I don't want him to go because I feel like I need him too. But as one friend reminded me, God does not give us more than we can bare.
Since that post I spoke to Camille, Allison, Kefi and others diminishing the initial panic I felt. I have recieved a ton of encouraging emails and call, and it reminds me of all the people I have at home supporting me. Even though this situation sucks, it could be worse, it could be that I was facing it alone and you all have proven to me that you are with me.
Please continue your prayers the next group of interns finds out tomorrow and next week all of the students will be told.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment